Friday, September 21, 2007

Kevin Hench's Douchebaggery Hitting Lupicaesque Levels

Jesus. I just want to warn you, this blog post is going to be a train wreck.

Thanks to reader Steve V. for the submission of this article where Hench goes off on Steve Phillips for saying the Yankees won't make the playoffs. Yes, this is the same Kevin Hench who not only said the exact same thing, but made a huge deal about why it wouldn't happen, and in this article, berates Steve Phillips for making the same prediction two months later.

On Aug. 15, Steve "Kazmir for Zambrano" Phillips announced on television — in his ever-surprising capacity as a paid talking head on the subject of baseball — that neither the Yankees nor the Mets would make the playoffs.

I pinpointed the date by going into my e-mail outbox and tracking down the incredulous missives I fired off after the absurd proclamation.

At the time of Phillips' prognostication — and wouldn't you really trust Bijou Phillips more on these matters at this point? — the Yankees and Mariners were tied for the wild-card lead while the Mets led the Braves and Phillies by four in the loss column.

Though I disagreed with it, I could sort of see his Mets logic. After all, it was Phillips himself who was responsible for the Mets being a starter short and looking to Pedro Martinez's surgically-repaired rotator cuff for help down the stretch.

Do you really want to know how much of an uneducated moron Kevin Hench is? Whether you do or not, I'm going to tell you.

His first sentence - the opening "zing" of the article - mocks Phillips for trading wünderkind Scott Kazmir to Tampa Bay for Victor Zambrano. Here are some easily checkable facts that even a 4th grader writing a book report on Steve Phillips' autobiography would have looked up:
  • This trade took place at the trading deadline in 2004, on July 30th.
  • Steve Phillips was fired as General Manager of the New York Metropolitan Baseball Club on June 12, 2004.
  • Jim Duquette replaced Phillips, and was the one who organized and executed said trade in July.

So... Hench's two major bones to pick with Phillips - who is a douchebag of collossal proportions in his own right - are completely without merit. Hench slams Phillips for making the exact same argument he made even earlier, and then wrongly assumes Phillips made that awful trade.

Once again, can someone - anyone - tell me how these morons keep their jobs? They're so monumentally bad at them, that if they were employed in any other profession they would be fired or in jail by now.

Imagine Dr. Kevin Hench, neurosurgeon, Lt. Kevin Hench, LAPD, Kevin Hench, Attorney-at-Law, Senator Kevin Hench, bookstore clerk Kevin Hench or American Airlines pilot Kevin Hench being as mind-numbingly awful at their profession and the resulting consequences: malpractice, indicted for corruption, disbarred, recalled, fired and dead.

However sportswriter Kevin Hench - the one who exists in our plane of reality - still collects checks from FOX Sports.

The whole world is crazy, my friends. Try and carve out a little piece of sanity for yourselves and don't read sports columns.

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posted by Mr. Faded Glory @ 2:38 PM   1 comments


At 9/21/2007 3:15 PM, Blogger TaggedTruck said...

I like the word Douchebaggery.


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