How to Drive a Boston Fan Nuts in Three Easy Steps
Step 1 - Mention to him (for the sake of argument, let's say you're talking to Sully and not some pink-hat bandwagoner) that the 2004 and 2007 championships are tainted, thanks to the lineup being anchored by two PED abusers.
Step 2 - Remind him how the Patriots championships are also tainted thanks to multiple cases of cheating involving secret taping of other teams, and how since they were caught and forced to stop that practice, they haven't won anything.
Step 3 - Now that he's beet red and spittle is dribbling down his bloated cheeks, bring up the fact that Kevin McHale giftwrapped Kevin Garnett to the Celtics and his old buddy Danny Ainge in exchange for a bowl of chowdah because he knew he was out the door in Minnesota, gifting the Celtics a championship.
MLB Adjusts Drug Policy To Allow David Ortiz To Take Steroids
NEW YORK—Major League Baseball commissioner Bud Selig announced a new policy on performance-enhancing substances Wednesday that is expected to help former slugger David Ortiz, currently batting a dismal .203, to come out of his slump and return as a league-leading batter. "We have amended the rules of the game to allow David [Ortiz] to use any performance enhancer he can find, as baseball is pretty boring when he's not hitting home runs," said Selig, who added that Ortiz could be suspended for 50 games under the new policy if drug tests show he is not taking any previously banned substances. "What David is doing right now is wrong, and this season could damage his reputation forever. The game of baseball needs him to do the responsible thing and superhumanly whack balls over the fence whenever possible." Moments after the announcement, Ortiz smashed through the conference doors with needles hanging from several different areas of his body and crushed Selig with a brutal thank-you hug, killing him instantly.
I know it's only a sampling, but the Yankee fans used as "representative" of the whole are making everyone else look dumb.
Bronx native and Yankee fan Jose Santos, 31, almost choked on his beer listening to Rodriguez's whines.
"Bring back the team from '96 with Scott Brosius and Chuck Knoblauch," said Santos, referring to the World Series champion Yankee team.
"These guys played with passion. There's no steroid for passion and fire."
Nobody tell the esteemed Mr. Santos that Knoblauch was in the fucking Mitchell report.
For that matter, no one tell Edmund Demarche or Jennifer Fermino - two (!) writers clearly gifted with sports knowledge needed to write an article with a couple of quotes in it and little else - because they didn't call him on it.
"You have people like Hank Aaron, Babe Ruth and Derek Jeter. Then you have A-Rod, who might break records but will always be attached to an asterisk," said the tourist from Puerto Rico.
I'm pretty sure Ruth and Aaron were clean, but there is nothing to suggest Jeter is clean. A week ago, people were saying exactly the same things about Rodriguez, and it's not like Jeter's teammates didn't include a number of users.
In wanting to make a point about the Mitchell Report not being the all-inclusive bible of naming PED users, Kevin Kennedy said that a current colleague of his, who was with the Boston Red Sox in 2004, told him that he (the colleague) witnessed, for a fact, a member of the '04 Red Sox injecting himself in the buttocks with a needle full of PEDs. Kennedy said that the user is no longer a member of the Red Sox - but, he was a player on the team that won the ring in 2004. As per Kennedy, his colleague said that the "user" was giving a demo (to the "colleague") on how to do the injection.
Just for fun, let's all play George Mitchell (if he actually cared to investigate the franchise that pays his check) and run down the list of guys who were on that World Series team and are no longer Red Sox: Alan Embree Bill Mueller Bronson Arroyo Curtis Leskanic Dave Roberts Derek Lowe Doug Mientkiewicz Gabe Kapler Johnny Damon Keith Foulke Kevin Millar Mark Bellhorn Mike Myers Orlando Cabrera Pedro Martinez Pokey Reese Ramiro Mendoza Trot Nixon
Could any of these players be considered Kevin Kennedy's "colleague"? It would seem to be either a jounalist, club official (Kennedy is a former manager), or someone who also works for the LA Dodgers. We can throw out players who are still active for other teams. That leaves Mueller (Dodgers front office), Kapler (minor league manager), or Leskanic (scout).
Remember, this wasn't behind closed doors, this was a player openly shoing others how to use PEDs. Yet, Mitchell did not so much as sniff around the Red Sox. To clairfy, one of these people: Gabe Kapler Bill Mueller Curtis Leskanic
was instructed on how to use PEDs by one of these people:
Alan Embree Bill Mueller Bronson Arroyo Curtis Leskanic Dave Roberts Derek Lowe Doug Mientkiewicz Gabe Kapler Johnny Damon Keith Foulke Kevin Millar Mark Bellhorn Mike Myers Orlando Cabrera Pedro Martinez Pokey Reese Ramiro Mendoza Trot Nixon
Oh wait, Mitchell's investigation is over? He's not interested in pursuing this any longer? Besides calling only Yankees to testify before Congress, this is a closed issue?
On another note can someone explain why Chuck Knoblauch is being called in to testify, but prominent players named in the report (Cy Young winner Eric Gagne, MVP Miguel Tejada, etc.) are not even asked to appear? For anyone who says Mitchell was even slightly objective, I point you to the above paragraphs. Yankee witch hunt.
I've written before about how fans embrace NFL players caught cheating like Shawne Merriman, who got caught with steroids, suspended for four games, and then named to the Pro Bowl.
Jayson Stark has an interesting look at the cases of Andy Pettitte and Rodney Harrison:
Player A is a long-time star for a team that has won multiple titles. Great guy. Beloved by fans and teammates alike. Then finds himself connected with an HGH story he can't escape.
So he admits it. Admits he bought it. Admits he took it. Admits he did that over a long period of time, during which his team won championships and he was an All-Star. Admits he "sent the wrong message" to kids and to the public. Admits he's "very, very embarrassed."
But Player A also says he wants to make it clear he never used steroids. And the only reason he used HGH was because he was hurt and wanted to get back on the field to help his team.
OK, now let's move on to Player B -- another terrific player for teams that did nothing but win. Another likeable guy. Fan favorite. Clubhouse favorite. Then looks up one day and hears his name all over TV and radio, linked to HGH use.
So Player B takes some time to think about how he should react, then confesses. Confesses by saying he was injured at the time. Confesses by saying he felt an obligation to get back and help his team. Confesses by saying he'd heard a lot of talk about the healing properties of HGH, so he tried it briefly, then stopped.
It didn't feel right. It wasn't the kind of player or person he was, or is. So he stopped. And ohbytheway, he never used steroids, either, despite what people have been saying about him.
Two stories that couldn't be more identical, right?
But Player B wakes up the next morning to find a headline that says: "PLEASE SPARE US."
Player A, on the other hand, is greeted by headlines like this one: "DON'T SINGLE OUT (PLAYER A)."
Hmmmm. What's up with that?
Two indistinguishable stories. Two very different reactions. Why is that, anyway?
Well, you probably figured out that Player B is Pettitte, a fellow who plays baseball for a living.
Player A, on the other hand, is New England Patriots safety Rodney Harrison, a guy who plays in that Teflon National Football League, in which all those chiseled bodies are clearly on the up and up.
Where's the outrage over Rodney Harrison, huh? We've been waiting for it to show up in some form, any form, for weeks now. We're still waiting. We'll probably wait a lifetime.
The media loves giving NFL guys a pass. It's hypocrasy. Where's the outrage? Harrison has been a better NFL player than Pettitte has been a MLB player, and won (another) Superbowl last year and is playing on an undefeated team.
Until now that is, because I've felt all along that there's a complete lack of credible evidence and to name names without regard to anything substantial is wrong, especially when the investigation is led by the Director of the Boston Red Sox, and lo and behold the report's release allows the Boston Globe to run headlines like "No Current Sox Fingered."
Tim Marchman of the NY Sun has a really good take on the report. You can find it here. Some excerpts follow:
To understand the importance of Senator George Mitchell's investigation into baseball's drug scandals, issued today after two years of frenzied anticipation, one must understand that Mitchell is not a neutral party.
Because the truth is usually right out in the open, it is no surprise to find a list of all the conflicts of interest that prevent Mitchell from credibly playing any independent role in baseball tucked away near the end of his voluminous report. As a consultant to Boston Red Sox ownership, a former director of the Florida Marlins, and former chairman of Disney at a time when it owned both the Anaheim Angels and ESPN, Mitchell is a member of baseball management as surely as anyone now living.
More crucially, he served with former Federal Reserve chairman Paul Volcker, columnist George Will, and Yale president Richard Levin on the 2000 Blue Ribbon commission. That group produced a notoriously owner-friendly report on baseball economics that used cooked numbers to make a case for various mechanisms meant to suppress player salaries. It laid the ground for the biggest shift in power between owners and players since the 1970s, and set a template for how to do so: Establish a nominally independent commission with ties to Congress, propose owner-friendly policies, and then watch as Congress hammers the players into submission. In 2000, the Senate actually found time to hold hearings on competitive balance in baseball, and it didn't take long for owners to force the union to accept many of the Blue Ribbon panel's recommendations.
With this background, Mitchell is hardly an onlooker, uninvolved in the sport's inner workings; he's been one of the most powerful men in the game for many years. In his report, he blithely asserts that he is "confident that none of these matters affected my ability to conduct an investigation that was thorough, impartial, and fair," but while his investigation may have been all of these things, his report is none of them. Self-contradicting, naive, and radical all at once, it could prove far more damaging to baseball than any tainted home run record.
For most, the main takeaway will be the list of 77 names of alleged drug users. Headlined by the Yankees' Roger Clemens and Andy Pettitte and the Houston Astros' Miguel Tejada, the list takes in everyone from three former Mets catchers to Eric Gagne, and in its sheer weight seems to confirm both the most salacious speculation about what Mitchell would uncover and the massive scope of the drug problem. More closely examined, it does neither, and in fact reveals how shockingly little Mitchell found.
What Mitchell offers, then, is not new information, but lurid detail. ("Clemens said that he was not able to inject himself, and he asked for McNamee's help... McNamee injected Clemens approximately four times in the buttocks over a several-week period with needles that Clemens provided.") This detail came not from Mitchell's own commission, but from the access the federal government provided to witnesses and suspects in ongoing drug investigations. Conditioning coach Brian McNamee and drug dealer Kirk Radomski were both interviewed with federal agents participating. Radomski, then working out a plea bargaining arrangement with a U.S. attorney, was warned that giving Mitchell false statements would subject to criminal penalty and a harsher sentence.
Federal law enforcement didn't need to tie Mitchell's inquiry in to a plea bargaining agreement, and would almost certainly not have done so for any random collection of citizens holding a private inquiry into steroid use. Such a decision is inherently political, involving as it does relative power, which was of course the genius of appointing Mitchell: it allowed baseball to leverage the credibility he earned in a career as a distinguished senator and diplomat into access to federal power. To what end, though, does any of this work?
[For]nearly half the players on Mitchell's list, their inclusion is simply gratuitous. Sixteen names were simply scooped up from recent media reports on a federal investigation into online drug trafficking, eight were names that came out in the Balco scandal, and nearly a dozen more had previously come out one way or another. Some, like Ryan Franklin, had even failed drug tests. This leaves us with around 40 names who come as surprises. Some of them truly great players, like Kevin Brown; most are obscure journeymen, like Phil Hiatt. Against some of them there is impossibly credible evidence; against others, hardly anything at all.
The real takeaway here, though, is that despite using questionable means to questionable ends, Mitchell can present literally no evidence of his key claim that "the use of steroids in Major League Baseball was widespread." This assertion is stated flatly, as fact, but his entire report contradicts it.
Mitchell at one point, for instance, references several lurid estimates of how many ballplayers have used steroids, ranging from 20% to "at least half," to illustrate the scale of the problem. These are sourced to major league players and a coach. On the same page, though, he notes that a 2003 survey test revealed just five to seven percent of players were on steroids. Perhaps more to the point, in his own investigation he found credible evidence against 77 players—less than 2% of nearly 5,000 who took the field from 1988 to this year, roughly the time under consideration. Even allowing that Mitchell cannot be expected to have discovered every player who was using drugs, if six times as many players were using as he was able to discover that would still represent less than a fifth of the alarmist estimates he cites.
At some point, when you have spent tens of millions of dollars looking for something without finding it, you should consider that this may be because there was nothing to find. This possibility, on evidence of this report, simply never occurred to Mitchell.
A good word for a public document that draws conclusions directly contrary to those implied by the evidence it presents is propaganda. This is what Mitchell's report reads as, and what it essentially is. Most of it is taken up by dreary recitations of evidence collected against the 77 accused and by a tendentious reading of baseball's recent history with drugs that notably lacks any coherent perspective on the decades-old problem of steroid use in pro sports. (Football coaches were forcing players to gas before there was a National Football League.) It reads like a company history.
The history is easily dismissed, as it essentially presents baseball's establishment as trying to do the right thing despite being stymied by the evil players again and again. The problem, in this telling, is that the owners have simply been too virtuous for their own good, that if they'd just not been so nice they would have been able to nab the missing 48.5% of drug-addled players that their very expensive investigation wasn't able to find.
To top it all off, today there's a report that one player who "proved" to Mitchell that he purchased PEDs but destroyed them before using them, and had his name removed from the report at the last minute.
I wonder if that player wears a "B" on his cap? Whether he does or not, the fact that I'm asking the question tells you about the objectiveness of this farce.
Francisco Rodriguez is a big fat cheater. An over the top, flaunt it in your face because he cheated you cheater.
Don't believe me? That's fine. Check out the Cheater's Guide, and please read the whole thing as it gets worse and worse towards the end. If you're going to cheat, at least don't act like a complete jerk and showboat about it (Sosa, Rogers, Rodriguez...)
The pitcher shall not --(b) Have on his person, or in his possession, any foreign substance. For such infraction of this section (b) the penalty shall be immediate ejection from the game. In addition, the pitcher shall be suspended automatically for 10 games.
Of course nothing will happen to him. Baseball turns a blind eye to cheating, whether it's corking, drugs, or substances. Even in the World Series.